Un-phanies: Change Before We Have Words for It

We love epiphanies. There’s something satisfying about the moment an experience finally makes sense. We can explain what we learned, tell someone about it, and imagine what we’ll do differently.

It also makes a good story: “And that’s when I realized…”

But we don’t always get that moment. Much of what changes us happens while we’re going about our lives, without realizing anything is changing.

We hear ourselves say something we’ve said a hundred times and wonder if we still believe it. We respond the way we usually do, but this time it doesn’t feel quite right. We try something different, perhaps without thinking much about it, and notice it went better than expected.

Then one day we make a choice we wouldn’t have considered a month ago. We may not even notice that part. We’re busy making the choice.

There may be no single moment we can point to and say, “That changed me.” Still, through these experiences, we begin to question what we’ve assumed, consider something we previously dismissed, or respond differently.

I call these un-phanies.

An un-phany is awareness taking shape across experiences. Something catches our attention, but we’re not sure what to make of it. We might dismiss it. Then something else happens that brings us back to it. We reconsider, try something, and see what happens.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. We can’t explain something as easily as we once could. The answer we’ve always given doesn’t feel as convincing coming out of our mouth.

Sometimes it’s encouraging. We speak up and the conversation goes well. We ask for help and still feel capable. We let someone be disappointed and discover the relationship can hold it.

If we only count the big realizations, we can overlook all of this. We may be waiting for a breakthrough while already making choices that would have been difficult or unavailable to us before.

What feels like “nothing is happening” may be where a great deal is taking shape.

By the time we recognize the change, we may realize we missed the whole darn thing becoming possible. We were there for it. We just weren’t counting it.

And having someone point out our progress doesn’t necessarily help. Have you ever told someone what you see changing, only to hear all the reasons it doesn’t count?

Now they’re explaining how stuck they are, and we’re trying to convince them they aren’t. Probably not the conversation either of us intended.

In narrative coaching, we leave room for people to determine what counts as movement to them.

We might ask:

“What has your attention?”

Then,

“What seems a little off, or more on, than usual?”

And,

“What do you make of that?”

We don’t know whether something represents progress simply because it looks different to us. The person gets to explore whether anything has shifted, what it means, and whether it matters.

Something they barely noticed may become worth considering. A question might stay with them and become useful three days later. Or they may decide that what we noticed has little to do with the change they want.

They get to decide what counts, and reconsider whether the way they’ve been measuring change still fits what they’re trying to make possible today.

Power of Possibility gives you room to explore how your own stories shape what you notice, what you dismiss, and what you count as change. Narrative Coach Practitioner Certification develops your capacity to invite that exploration with clients, leaving them room to determine what matters and what they make of it.