There’s No Crying in Coaching (Except There Totally Is)

There is no crying in coaching!!!

"There's no crying in coaching," is our favorite running joke when teaching Narrative Coaching—usually muttered after one of us accidentally asks that question during a demo.

The one that hits a nerve. The one that turns someone’s tidy insight into a full-body truth quake. The one we didn’t mean to be a breakthrough… but kind of knew it might be.

And now we’re standing there, mid-demo, trying to look composed while someone’s tearing up and the students are staring at us like, “Is this part of the plan?”

The Coaching Demo Tightrope

When we’re teaching, we try to skim the surface.

Not because we don’t believe in depth— but because we’re trying to stay “professional” while proving the power of the work.

We want to show how to help clients find their own insight— without accidentally hosting an emotional reckoning in front of a classroom.

But coaching real people on real things with real questions? Yeah. Emotions happen.

So when they do, we joke: “There’s no crying in coaching.”

We say it with a smirk. To lighten the mood. To make the moment feel less intimate. Because we’re still in front of people. And for some, professionalism is apparently a thing.

So... There’s absolutely crying in coaching.

And honestly?

There should be.

The Myth of “Once I Understand It, I’ll Change”

We love to believe that understanding is the master key.

“If I understand why I procrastinate…” “If I can trace my self-doubt back to that third-grade book report…” “If I just get to the root cause of my pattern, I’ll finally be free.”

Sound familiar?

We cling to insight like it’s a magic spell. Like awareness alone is enough to burn away a lifetime of behavior.

You can know the pattern. You can name the belief. You can even build a fully annotated family tree of generational dysfunction—and still keep doing the same thing.

Emotion Actually Moves the Needle

Here’s what the science says (and what your lived experience already knows): Understanding doesn’t drive change. Emotion does.

• People who can’t process emotion struggle to make decisions—even if their logic is perfect.

• Meaning-making isn’t intellectual—it’s felt.

• Real transformation doesn’t happen when someone “gets it.”

It happens when they feel it—differently.

So when a client starts crying, it’s not a disruption. It’s not derailment. It’s movement. It’s the body catching up to the story.

And if you’re quick to pivot or “clean it up” because you think it’s unprofessional, ask yourself: Is it unprofessional? Or is it just uncomfortable?

Understanding Is the Doorway Emotion Walks You Through It

Understanding is useful. Of course it is.

But it’s not the finish line. It’s the hallway. The threshold. The setup.

If your client’s feeling about their story doesn’t shift, the story usually doesn’t either.

You can spend years naming every root cause with clinical precision—and still walk in circles—if the emotional charge stays exactly the same.

This is core to Narrative Coaching.

The story doesn’t change because we understand it. It changes because we feel it in a new way—sometimes painfully, sometimes quietly, sometimes with a tear sliding down our cheek that catches us off guard.

So Yes, There’s Crying in Coaching

Not because something went wrong. But because something might finally be ready to go right.

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Ready to Coach at the Level Where People Actually Change?

Narrative II is for coaches who are done pretending that powerful coaching can happen without emotion, story, or discomfort.

If you’re tired of performing coaching… If you’re ready to stop fixing and start listening differently… If you’re ready to stop handing people maps and start helping them walk when the ground disappears beneath them— This is for you.

We won’t hand you scripts. We’ll teach you to hear what most coaches miss.

Tears optional. Transformation likely.

Narrative II is open. The tea’s hot. The rabbit hole is waiting.

Come with us. Email jennie@learningjourneys.net to learn more or register today.