The Let Them Theory: Book Overview & Coaching Connection

Overview & Tie to Coaching By: DauNae Clark

Book: The Let Them Theory

Book Author: Mel Robbins

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3 Key Points in the book that resonated with me, their meaning, and how they apply to coaching.

1. Stop wasting your life on things you can’t control Mel Robbins nails it when she says, “The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people… The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.”

This hits home because so many of us burn endless energy worrying about what others think — trying to please them, keep the peace, or avoid disappointing anyone. That need to control other people’s reactions is often what keeps us stuck, blocks our progress, and erodes our sense of peace.

As life coaches, this is a critical lesson for three reasons:

1. Protect your boundaries — We can’t control our clients, either. Holding healthy boundaries ensures we don’t take responsibility for what’s not ours.

   
   

2. Normalize this mindset — People-pleasing is baked into how many of us are raised. It’s human. Knowing this helps us meet clients with empathy.

   
   

3. Coach what’s controllable — The real work is helping clients focus on what they can control: their thoughts, actions, and responses. Coaching becomes about returning again and again to what’s within their power — and building practical plans around that.

   
   

2. Shocker: Life is stressful Mel pulls no punches: “You’ll never reach the full potential of your life if you continue to allow stupid things or rude people to drain your life force.” Our time and energy are precious resources — yet we let tiny annoyances or toxic people sap them daily.

This stands out because it’s so relatable — the rude driver, the chatty stranger, the bad Wi-Fi. It’s not the thing itself; it’s our reaction that eats us alive.

For coaching, this truth matters because:

1. Check your own stress at the door — We owe our clients a clear, grounded presence. Don’t drag the day’s petty frustrations into the session.

   
   

2. Expect your clients’ stress — Their lives are full of noise and drains, too. We must help them name what’s hijacking their energy and keep those stressors from taking over our work together.

   
   

3. Coach them out of survival mode — Chronic stress keeps people stuck in reactivity and scarcity. By coaching them to protect their time and energy, you help them break out of survival mode and tap into real possibility.

   
   

3. The right decision often feels wrong Mel writes, “Just because the right decision seems clear doesn’t always mean it’s an easy decision to make. That’s because the human experience is largely an emotional one… You can’t let your emotions drive your decisions, because they will often stop you from making the right decisions.”

This struck a chord with me because I’ve definitely hesitated to say or do something that was best for me, simply out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings. But here’s the truth: other people are allowed to feel how they feel — that’s not ours to control.

This serves as a powerful reminder for coaching, as well. Clients will often wrestle with decisions that feel “wrong” emotionally but are absolutely right for their growth, boundaries, or well-being. They may hold back from acting out of guilt, fear, or a desire to keep the peace — even when that comes at their own expense.

Our job as coaches is to help them unpack that emotional conflict, see the situation clearly, and build the courage to choose what truly serves them. Sometimes the right next step is uncomfortable, but staying stuck is worse. Helping clients sit with that discomfort is part of the work that sets them free.

Favorite passage and why?

“Let Me is the Power Move. That's why the theory only works when you say both parts. When you say Let Them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next... The Let Them theory is not about superiority at all. It’s about balance. It’s about making room for both you and someone else. It’s about giving other people the space and the grace to live their lives — and then giving yourself the same.”

This passage is my favorite because it captures the real magic of Mel’s idea: it’s not just “Let Them” — it’s “Let Me” too. Before reading this book, I had no clue there was a second part to the concept. The surprise was powerful because “Let Me” is where the true ownership and transformation happen.

This simple shift reminds us we do have control over our attitude, our actions, our values, our boundaries, our next move. Let Them releases the need to micromanage other people; Let Me calls us back to personal responsibility. It’s the difference between living in reaction mode versus stepping back into choice.

For anyone acting as a life coach, this passage is gold: it’s a clear reminder that while we can help clients navigate what others do, real progress comes when they lean into what they will do next. That’s where change sticks — and that’s where the coaching really matters.

How will I apply the key messages in this book to my coaching?

Let Them reinforced for me that great coaching isn’t about controlling outcomes — it’s about helping people see what they can control and supporting them as they take real responsibility for it.

First, I’ll apply “Stop wasting your life on things you can’t control” by helping my clients spot where they’re handing over their power — whether that’s worrying about others’ opinions, people-pleasing, or clinging to things they can’t change. I’ll keep guiding them back to what’s in their hands: their thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Second, “Life is stressful” is a reminder for me as a coach to protect my own energy so I can show up clear and grounded for my clients. It also pushes me to help them see what’s draining them unnecessarily — the petty frustrations and toxic people that eat away at their focus. Together, we’ll build ways to respond to stress so they don’t stay stuck in survival mode.

Third, “The right decision often feels wrong” reminds me that the hardest choices are often the best ones for growth. I’ll help clients face the discomfort that comes with doing what’s right for them, even if it feels awkward or risks disappointing others. Emotions are real, but they don’t always get to drive the bus.

And tying it all together is the idea from my favorite passage: the “Let Me” side of the theory. It’s the heart of real coaching — not just letting others be who they are, but asking “What will I do next?” I’ll use this to empower clients to take full ownership of their attitude, boundaries, and next steps. That’s where the true balance happens — when they stop trying to control others and start leading themselves.

At its core, Let Them cements my belief that coaching is about helping people reclaim their power, time, and energy — so they can live with intention and self-trust.